Let me start by saying I know it is 3:30 in the morning and I should be sleeping. I have to be up in less than three hours to take my sweet husband to the doctor again. Instead of sleeping, I am sitting here worrying about him. I am so scared about what this appointment could mean to him. You see since he got hurt on November 21st at 5 AM I have been looking at this whole thing the wrong way. I have had that line from the Fresh Prince song running through my head that says "My life got flipped, turned upside down" but that is wrong. It is not my life that has changed, it is his. This is not about me and it shouldn't be. He is the one who is actually dealing with it. I am just along for the ride.
I guess I should go back and tell what actually happened. My husband's job is super dangerous. It can be dangerous all the time, but this time of year it is especially so. I know this, but I can't spend a lot of time focusing on that part because I would never be able to function. This is not the first time something has happened but the rest has been very minor in camparsion. This time it was bad. I got called a 5 in the morning saying he was hurt and asking me to find something to do with the boys. Luckily we live in a small community and I had no problem finding someone to come over. In that same phone called, I was told they were taking him to the hospital by ambulance. They had never done that before so that was my first clue. I spent the hour drive to the hospital telling myself that they didn't have to call the helicopter so that had to be a good sign. I got there about 5 minutes after he did and I knew it was not good. He had cut and broken all 4 fingers but they were all still there. He had open fractures of three of them and they had to put pins in those. At this point they are healing the way they should and we will get the pins out tomorrow. Right now we don't know much more than that. They could require more surgery or not. There may be tendons and nerves that have to be repaired or they may be things that can't be fixed. Lots of things are still up in the air.
Now back to what I have learned as I have been up tonight. This accident has changed things in his life. I have actually had to change very little. My days are still the same and I can still do all the things I want to. His aren't and he can't. He has had to adjust a lot of things. There are things that I probably should have been helping him with that I haven't. I have let him to figure out how to do lots of things with one hand on his own. I realize that I have 2 little people running around that I need to take care of but I still fell like I should have done more for him. I have not been that best caregiver. There have been other things in my way sometimes, but other times I have just been lazy. Truth is I have been lazy for months. I need to get out of myself and start looking at the others in my life. I need to remember that none of this is about me and I need to be the wife that I should be. I have been so consumed with life that I have done very little with the boys related to Christmas. Our elf on the shelf never even made it out of the box and the advent calendar that I hung on the wall has not even been touched. My house is a giant disaster and it is all because of the funk I have been in. Life keeps giving me reasons to feel sorry for myself. I need to stop feeling like the world is against me and remember that I have God on my side and lean on him.
Please say a little prayer for my husband. I am afraid that this appointment is going to be really hard. He will need all the help he can get. Please say a little prayer for me that I can be there the way he needs me to be.
I didn't get this posted last night so I will add an up date about the appointment. It was a hard day. The removal of the pins was rough. They don't have like a special tool or anything. They just grab them with a pair of vice grips and rock them back and forth until they come out. Sounds great, huh? I am so sorry that he is having to go through all of this. The fingers still looked better today. The wounds on his index and pinky finger have totally closed and the others are close. We still have a ways to go but we will get there. They won't know if more surgery is required for a few more months. We will do what we have to do. We are going to get through it!!!
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2 comments:
Sweetie, we wrote you an email in answer to yours, but are not sure you got it. We clicked on "reply" to send it, but when we looked in "sent," it wasn't there. When you have a minute could you let us know by text or email? We want you to have it because we feel you're being too hard on yourself and want to encourage you. Love you, Grandma & Grandpa
Girl, you have GOT to cut yourself some slack. Elf on the Shelf, advent calendar... that stuff is all fluff. Those boys are secure in the fact that they are loved and that's all that matters!
The accident did happen to your hubby, but it DOES affect your life too! Maybe not physically, but your love for him means that you are affected emotionally.
I think there will be a period of adjustment for everyone and right now you are in a valley. It has only been a few weeks. Give yourself a break, take a breath and start fresh. One day at a time.
One of my favorite verses-
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because HE DELIGHTED IN ME.
Psalm 18:16-19
Praying for you and your family. You will get through this.
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