Life is hard

Let me start by saying I know it is 3:30 in the morning and I should be sleeping.  I have to be up in less than three hours to take my sweet husband to the doctor again.  Instead of sleeping, I am sitting here worrying about him. I am so scared about what this appointment could mean to him.  You see since he got hurt on November 21st at 5 AM I have been looking at this whole thing the wrong way. I have had that line from the Fresh Prince song running through my head that says "My life got flipped, turned upside down" but that is wrong.  It is not my life that has changed, it is his.  This is not about me and it shouldn't be.  He is the one who is actually dealing with it.  I am just along for the ride. 

I guess I should go back and tell what actually happened. My husband's job is super dangerous.  It can be dangerous all the time, but this time of year it is especially so.  I know this, but I can't spend a lot of time focusing on that part because I would never be able to function. This is not the first time something has happened but the rest has been very minor in camparsion.  This time it was bad. I got called a 5 in the morning saying he was hurt and asking me to find something to do with the boys.  Luckily we live in a small community and I had no problem finding someone to come over.  In that same phone called, I was told they were taking him to the hospital by ambulance.  They had never done that before so that was my first clue. I spent the hour drive to the hospital telling myself that they didn't have to call the helicopter so that had to be a good sign. I got there about 5 minutes after he did and I knew it was not good.  He had cut and broken all 4 fingers but they were all still there. He had open fractures of three of them and they had to put pins in those.  At this point they are healing the way they should and we will get the pins out tomorrow.  Right now we don't know much more than that.  They could require more surgery or not.  There may be tendons and nerves that have to be repaired or they may be things that can't be fixed.  Lots of things are still up in the air.

Now back to what I have learned as I have been up tonight.  This accident has changed things in his life.  I have actually had to change very little.  My days are still the same and I can still do all the things I want to.  His aren't and he can't.  He has had to adjust a lot of things.  There are things that I probably should have been helping him with that I haven't.  I have let him to figure out how to do lots of things with one hand on his own.  I realize that I have 2 little people running around that I need to take care of but I still fell like I should have done more for him.  I have not been that best caregiver.  There have been other things in my way sometimes, but other times I have just been lazy. Truth is I have been lazy for months.  I need to get out of myself and start looking at the others in my life.  I need to remember that none of this is about me and I need to be the wife that I should be.  I have been so consumed with life that I have done very little with the boys related to Christmas.  Our elf on the shelf never even made it out of the box and the advent calendar that I hung on the wall has not even been touched.  My house is a giant disaster and it is all because of the funk I have been in.  Life keeps giving me reasons to feel sorry for myself.  I need to stop feeling like the world is against me and remember that I have God on my side and lean on him.

Please say a little prayer for my husband.  I am afraid that this appointment is going to be really hard.  He will need all the help he can get. Please say a little prayer for me that I can be there the way he needs me to be. 


I didn't get this posted last night so I will add an up date about the appointment.  It was a hard day.  The removal of the pins was rough.  They don't have like a special tool or anything.  They just grab them with a pair of vice grips and rock them back and forth until they come out.  Sounds great, huh?  I am so sorry that he is having to go through all of this.  The fingers still looked better today.  The wounds on his index and pinky finger have totally closed and the others are close.  We still have a ways to go but we will get there.  They won't know if more surgery is required for a few more months.  We will do what we have to do.  We are going to get through it!!!

First Field Trip

A couple of weeks ago I got to go on D's first field trip.  There is a pretty big corn maze not far from here and that was the destination.  It was actually cold and windy (it was supposed to be like 80, so no one had jackets) but all the kids still had a great time.  We all got a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch, went on a short hay ride and didn't get lost in the maze.  We only did the short maze that was actually impossible to get lost in or I am sure we would have lost a couple of kindergarteners.  They were super excited and spent most of the time running as far ahead of the teacher as they could get.  I am so glad that I get to be a part of all of these things.  I am really blessed that I get to stay at home with my kiddos. 

 This kid makes me smile!!!  He is the best!!

G's Big Day

I started teaching at the little Tuesday/Thursday school that D went to last year.  It is a good little school and now G gets the chance to go.  He has done so well since starting.  He talks a lot more and does better in groups of people.  He still doesn't like really big groups of people he doesn't know but he will talk in a group of 4 or 5 which is miles above where he was at this time last year.   I am sure by the end of the year he will be a totally different kid.

 

 

Fisrt Day of School

We sent D off to Kindergarten in August and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  He loves school and looks forward to going every day.  He has a great teacher and blessed to be in a small class.  There are only 11 kids in kindergarten at his school.  I am very thankful that I can still say he loves school.  I was afraid that it would have worn off by now but he still wants to go.  This last Saturday he woke me up because he thought he was missing school.  I told him to go back to bed!!!  I think we will have a great year. 

 



Look What Daddy Found!!!

This little guy was hanging out in the rocks in our yard earlier this summer.  We usually see at least one a summer.  I am glad that my boys get to see Horned Toads!!

 

Cupcake time

Sometimes I decide I just want to bake something.  Both boys love to help in the kitchen so we made cupcakes.  D can help with pretty much everything, except filling the pan.  He would love to fill it but I am not ready to let him.  G can basically only put in the pan liners but he thinks he is helping a lot and that is all that counts.   I let them pick out the cake mix and the frosting so that is why we ended with pink frosting.  Of course the best part is eating them!!! I am hoping I can have them help me make Christmas cookies this year.  I have always wanted to do that with my kids. 

Hometown Parade

We like to go back to my hometown every year for July 4th. They make a big deal out of it so it is neat to go and see all the sights.  It all starts bight and early with a parade.  It seems to get longer ever year but they don't throw as much candy as they used to so it is kind of a bummer. This is the first year that G has really paid any attention to anything and he liked it for a while and then he got hot and retreated to the pickup. D just had fun being with his cousins and didn't care about the parade at all. 

 



Time to Grow Up

I went and picked up the papers yesterday to register this kid for kindergarten.  He is so excited.  He will be attending one of the schools that I taught at so I feel good about the people he will be with everyday.  They showed him his classroom, the cafeteria, and the gym.  Plus we spent a few minutes on the playground.  He is ready, the problem is that I am not.  I could cry just thinking about having to send my baby to spend his days with someone other than me.  I know that it is part of growing up and that it will be good for my little social butterfly but it is hard!!! I now have to think about school supplies and school clothes.  This is new territory for me.  I will be alright after I cry every day for the first week and I know he will love it.  It will become our new normal but right now it just seems hard.  I will miss having his smiling face around all the time and the random I love yous through out the day.  Like I said, it is time to grow up.

RAIN!!!!

We have had more rain this summer than we have had in about 3 years.  It has been very nice.  The bad things is that we have mosquitos that we haven't had in 3 years.  I would rather have rain and a few more bugs than no rain at all.  At one point we got around 7 inches in a 3 or 4 day span.  We had some really nice puddles afterwards.  The boys loved them. 

 

 I tried to get them to play in the mud also.  G was having no part of that messy stuff.